


Marvel Headcanons

by I_OfTheHawk



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Eggs, F/M, Fire, Funny socks, No Eyebrows, Weapons, Wrong, deaf!Clint, firefly - Freeform, headcanons, numbers, stashes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_OfTheHawk/pseuds/I_OfTheHawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a compilation of Marvel Headcanons!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not Even Close

**Author's Note:**

> Not Even Close  
> Based off a Bland Marvel Headcanon. The boys of Stark Tower have an ongoing guessing game of how many weapons Natasha has on her. The only winner? Clint. Slight Clintasha

Disclaimer: I own nothing

 

"Four!" Tony shouted. Natasha sent him an icy glare.

"No," her answer was short and to the point. Tony huffed and stabbed the eggs with his fork, shoveling the food into his mouth. Steve drew his eyebrows together, chewing slowly.

"Nine?" His voice asked, Natasha shook her head.

"Nope," Steve frowned, continued eating, still contemplating. They all looked towards Bruce who always guss next.

"Eleven," she smiled slightly.

"No," her voice softer than it was with Tony. Thor was not in this world at the moment, and Clint was calmly reading the newspaper, a humongous cup of coffee sitting next to him. Everyone looked towards him, he didn't notice until Natasha jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Ow! What?" He asked irritated. They all gave him a pointed look. He raised his eyebrows, "What? Do I have something on my face?" Tony was impatient.

"What do we have to spell it out for you? How many weapons does Natasha have on her?" He shouted.

"Oh, you could have just said so," he opened his newspaper to read even as he responded, "she has two knives, a gun, and another knife under her chair." Everyone turned toward Natasha who gave a small smile.

"Yup."

"Six?" Tony asked in the middle of a movie.

"No Stark, shut the heck up," Natasha curtly replied.

"Five?" Tony was annswer with a pillow in the face, "I'm guessing no." Later in the day Rogers popped into the living room while Natasha was reading.

"Two?" He asked, she shook her head.

"Not even close Rogers," she replied. Steve left the room with a huff. A couple minutes later Bruce dropped in.

"Three?" She looked up.

"No," Bruce sighed and left. At dinner Tony yelled,

"Bird Brain! How many?" Clint looked at him calmly.

"Nine," He said, before stuffing his face with another bread roll, Tony huffed.

"Super secret ninja besties," he muttered.

"So you even plan on telling them?" Clint asked, sitting on Natasha's bed. She shrugged.

"Probably not, it's entertaining watching them struggle," he chuckled.

"Evil Russian," she smiled laughing.

"What? No one has to know that we're screwing with them, come on. You think it's funny too," she said, he laughed.

"Well I can't deny that, you're unarmed most of the time … it doesn't make you nervous?" He asked, she shook her head.

"Not really, and I have weapons stashed everywhere around the Tower anyways," she put her arms around his waist.

"Those aren't stashes, those are small armories," she laughed slightly before kissing him.


	2. Oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one knew Clint was deaf until they'd been living in the Tower for a few weeks and Tony and Bruce accidently set the lab on fire. Thanks to Dummy's quick skills with the fire extinguisher it didn't spread, but it still set off the fire alarms. Clint was the only one who didn't respond, they found him in the shower, completely oblivious to their presence, until Natasha tapped him on the shoulder. The result was the most undignified shriek ever followed by and explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the ending is different, I couldn't find a good way that they would approach Clint in the shower, so slightly changed…
> 
> Disclaimer: Man I WISH I owned them, I would have so much fun torturing their poor souls...but I don't, sadly

A large spurt of flame erupted from the lab, causing Tony and Bruce to jump back. Where was Dummy when you needed him?

"I swear to god Butterfingers, if this happens one more time, I'm donating you to a city college," Tony threatened, pointing a finger at the robot, who seemed to sink in shame. In the same moment Dummy was making his way over with the fire extinguisher just in time for the fire alarm to go off. Bruce winced at the shriek of the alarm and Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. Dummy put out the fire - the alarm ever persistent. There was no bright flashing light, just the ongoing, never ending screech.

"J? Kill the alarm will you?" Tony muttered.

"Right away sir," the robotic voice answered immediately. The alarm ceased.

"Jarvis tell everyone NOT to leave the building, it was a false alarm," Tony said, behind him Bruce scoffed.

"I think it singed off my eyebrows." Bruce mumbled.

"Everyone has been informed, although Agent Barton is not responding, and also ignored the fire alarm," the AI stated. Bruce scrunched his eyebrows before speaking.

"What is Agent Barton doing?" There was a pause.

"He appears to be in the kitchen cooking sir," Jarvis responded.

"Where's everyone else?" Bruce asked.

"Captain Rogers is out on his morning run, Agent Romanoff is making her way back into the building, Thor is off world," Jarvis responded.

"Why the heck is Barton cooking? Did he not hear the alarm?" Tony said slightly annoyed.

"Want to get some coffee and we can see what Barton is doing?" Bruce asked.

"Sure."

"Hey! Circus bird!" Tony yelled at Barton who was flipping slightly cooked eggs on the stove. He made no move that would show he heard the two enter. He just continued cooking. The two geniuses walk up behind Barton, who still gave no reaction. Bruce drew his eyebrows together.

What was going on? Tony impatiently reached out and knocked Clint on the arm. The touch was followed by a undignified shriek and Tony ducking for cover when a pan came straight for his head. The eggs flew into the air.

And that's how Agent Romanoff found them in the kitchen. Tony covered in egg mush and Barton seemed to be trying the explain something. Most likely that he was deaf, the batteries in his hearing aid had gone out and Clint being the imbecile that he was had left his spares at SHIELD headquarters and now she had to get them, because being the moron he was didn't like going in public without the aids. Natasha's words - not his. Bruce was off to the side trying not to laugh. Steve stopping in his tracks when he walked in. Followed by an explanation, again.


	3. What is that...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint wears socks with spiders on them on missions without Natasha for good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of these characters or anything really…

Clint was sitting on the edge of the couch, pulling up the almost knee high socks. His duffel bag containing his weapons and clothes, including spare socks - of course.

"What are you wearing," he looked up to see Tony Stark wide eyed staring at him. A coffee cup firmly in hand, the steam still coming out of it. He looked down to his clothes.

"Uh, cargo pants and a shirt?" He still hadn't gotten to his shoes yet. He grabbed his other sock.

"No! What are those?" Stark pointed to his feet. He rolled his eyes.

"Aren't you supposed to be some kind of genius? They're socks," he really didn't see the problem here.

"No - are you blind man?" Tony know had his eyebrows scrunched together and one slightly raised, "what - do you not see this?" He raised out his arms.

"Might as well spit it out Stark, I got a mission to do," he replied, quite bored.

"You are wearing red knee high socks with blue stripes and IN those blue stripes there are spiders," Tony stared at Clint who seemed unfazed by the whole ordeal.

"What? They're for good luck when Tasha isn't here." Tony continued to stare.

"You have spider sock for when the real deal isn't going with you? Where is the scary master assassin anyways?"

'Um, somewhere in England … I think," Clint said grabbing a combat boot and lacing it up quickly, then followed by the the second being slipped on.

"Alright, fine whatever, go have fun on you super secret boy band meeting," Clint rolled his eyes standing up and walking toward the exit, which was the elevator. Although not before seeing Stark take a BIG swing of his coffee. Clint winced remembering the steam flowing for the liquid. He heard something drop - most likely Stark's coffee cup.

"Oh! It burns!" He heard, right before the elevator shut, he smirked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Bruce came out of hiding, he was very excited to get caught up on Firefly. When Tony informed him that it had been cancelled, he caused approximately $700, 000 worth of damage to the lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, although I wish did, but I don't

"And this my friend is the heart of Stark Tower," Tony entered code on a small keypad that Bruce was unable to see. Tony threw the door open gesturing widely to the large room. The lab. It was packed with state of the ark equipment. Bruce raised his eyebrows, he was impressed. He spotted an Iron Man suit in the far side of the room. Most likely one of Tony's recent projects; he caught sight of a couple reflective panels on it.

"It's … nice," Bruce drawed out, Tony scoffed.

"Nice? I show you the best lab in the world, with Stark equipment - which is the best there is and all I get is it's nice?" He rambled. Bruce opened his mouth to defend himself but no sound came out. It must have gotten stuck somewhere along the way. He didn't know what to say. Abruptly Tony smiled. "Just messing with you Jolly Green. What do you want to do first? Make an engine from scratch? Build a suit? End world-"

"Do you have netflix?" Bruce asked ardently. Tony blinked in surprise. Netflix? He internally shrugged his shoulders, got to roll with the punches.

"I have something dang better than netflix," something he was quite proud of. Bruce waited irked for Tony to elaborate, but he didn't. Bruce fought the urge to sigh.

"What do you have?"

"I have my friend Stark tv," Bruce rolled his eyes,unknown to Tony, who was smiling. "Every tv show, or movie known to man, and if I don't have it I'll get it," Bruce nodded wringing his hands together.

"Do you have Firefly? I never got to finish it in … Calcutta and I've been wanting to - finish it that is," Bruce gave another weak smile. He was actually very excited to finish the series. If he didn't get the rest of the series? They just might have a disaster on their hands.

"Well I have what it went up to," Tony said as he scratched the back of his head. Firefly? Really Banner? He was more of a Sherlock person.

"What do you mean you just have to what it went up to?" His eyes became very sharp, taking in every detail no matter how iota. Dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Fear of what he thinks Tony is about to say. He hopes to god that Tony didn't say the magic words that are reverting though his brain right now. He could feel his heart rate increase, he wanted to stop time and scold himself. It was just a tv show, why was he getting so worked up about it? This shouldn't be messing with him this much; but gosh dang it it was.

"Bruce they cancelled Firefly." Those last words just did it. He'd have to tell Tony sorry later.

"Woah! Woah! Hey Big Guy!" The Hulk turned toward Tony, a snarl on his face. He slightly regrets trying to get Jolly Green's attention. The Other Guy roared and Tony swallowed. "Hey! It's Tony, it's Tin Man!" Hulk began to advance toward him in a less … aggressive manor.

"To-ny," Tony again blinked in surprise. Did the Other Guy just say his name?

"Yeah Big Guy, Tony, can Bruce come back again?" When Hulk shook his head furiously he regretted his words, "right, don't mention puny Ban- woah!" He flattened himself to the floor when an engine was chucked at him. Seriously? He just had to mess with the cars? He popped up again, his hands in a non-threatening manner.

Hulk roared.

Why did Bruce turn into the Hulk? It didn't make sense. Everything was perfectly fine. He was showing Bruce the Tower, Bruce asked about that show Firefly. He told him that it was cancelled an-

Firefly. He looked up to the Hulk again. "Really? You're getting worked up over a tv show?" Jolly Green roared again.

"WANT WATCH FIRE!" The Big Guy yelled. Tony raised his eyebrows. Pondering over the fact that Hulk has decided to widen his vocabulary today. He didn't notice Hulk grab something until it was too late. His eyes recognized the reflective panels.

"No, no, no! Not the suit!" It was past too late, but even if he had time, what could he do? The suit flew through the lab crashing into various lab equipment and crushing a car.

"I really am sorry," Bruce apologized for the millionth time. He was wrapped in a blue towel, his pants partially in tact. Tony sat next to him on one of the undamaged walls, well - mostly undamaged walls.

"Don't sweat it," he replied holding onto the mask of his damaged suit.

"I'm sorry about the suit too," Tony smiled.

"Nothing I can't fix, this was a cool project though, so don't let it happen again Banner," Tony smirked a little. It was quiet for a moment.

"Where'd you get the idea for the reflective panels?" Bruce asked

"Uh, a friend," Bruce raised his eyebrows at the response.

"Really? Tony Stark has a friend?" Bruce chuckled a little while Tony glared at him.

"Yeah whatever, laugh now, wait until I tell the others you hulk-out for a freakin' tv show," Tony said inexorably. Bruce's tanned skin turned pale.

"Come on, we don't have to tell them it was for Firefly."

"I think we do."

"Come on, Tony I said-"

"Sorry? Well I forgave you, but I need this to help … make me feel better."

"But Tony-"

"Shh, my young Padawan."


End file.
